Do you ever feel so pains-taken that you could either pass out from the pain or just DIE?????
Well thats kinda how I feel....... its been a while since I have written a blog, and as I was rolling around in bed this morning, trying to get back to sleep, and then it hit me, that I NEED to write to help get rid of some of the feelings I am now feeling.
Last night I watched Twilight..... the first one (I didn't watch it before, because it didn't really interest me, now it is so interesting that I wish I didn't want to encompass it in my life). Now it as good don't get me wrong, the only problem I have with it, is simple....... Its unrealistic...... maybe its because I try to be as much as a realist as possible, and to me the thought of it all is incomprehensible, but I think its a deeper thing..... I'm not referring to vampires, and werwolves and everything like that make believe crap, what I am actually talking about is the love aspect...... how can love be so simple? be so cut and dry? so cookie-cutter? Love doesn't happen just like that. Yes, I get that it was gradual, that Bella moved from her mom's home, to her dad's home, and that she of course has a male childhood friend (that.... without having watched the second movie, or read any books, but know, because its a little predictable, is in love with her, of course there is this gorgeous childhood friend who comes back into her life) and when she moves, she not only reconciles with him, but also, of course upon starting her new school she meets and falls "unmistakably and irrevocably" in - love with Edward, the dream, meeting someone who cares for you undeniable, can't stand to be away from you, protects you with their life, makes you their life and wants nothing else to do, but to be with you....... It makes me upset and annoyed, jealous, sad and lonely--- questioning my life. Becuase they also ended up dating in real life...... I know its kinda large and my feelings are difficult to explain, buts Life isn't as simple as they make it out to be in the movies, is what I am getting at, I know that, I know others know that, but my heart doesn't know that, or is having difficulty grasping it.
The very fact that the fairy-tale, happy ending that we, females always strive for and longed for our entire life is nonexistent and impossible to find, so I should just forget about it entirely and stop searching for it. The thing too is that I am lonely........ I am 20 years old, going on 21 in July, have not yet had a boyfriend, serious or otherwise, and I am scared I am going to die alone (what if the world ends in 2012?) Its stupid of me to even be waiting for these things because everyone says they don't happen if you're waiting for them, they happen unknowingly.
Although this splurge of emotions has somewhat help me calm my nerves (maybe enough to go back to sleep) I still cannot help but feel sorry for myself. Sadly, enough the only way to make myself feel somewhat ok again, is to go on fuckmylife.com and postsecret.........
There's you and then there's me. I see you everywhere around campus, makes me really think if its coincidence or not. I could swear you notice me too, but I have yet to find out!!!
Today was the day of all days that made me want to walk up to you, sit down in front of you and start talking to you. I was walking to Kenneth Taylor Hall this afternoon, as I was getting ready to attend my Communications tutorial. I had gone to the Student Centre and grabbed some veggies before hand. I was starving after my first lecture. But as I opened the door to enter KTH, I dropped it all, as you watched me. Embarrassed and oblivious to your presence until I took a closer look, I quickly cleaned up my celery sticks and cucumber wedges. (I see food that has fallen, all over the place, and has been irresponsibly left there to get mushed under people's feet, I'm not that type of person as to leave it) I sat down (in front of the entrance) to try to get at least 10 minutes of working on my Gerontology paper in. The traffic of people going and coming, in and out was a little distracting so I gathered my stuff together to re-locate to a table closer to you, or to the one you were sitting at so I could strike up a conversation. I was indecisive and ended up just going down stairs to wait in front of my tutorial class, instead.
You've been on my mind ever since that first day I saw you, sitting in the same row as me, in the very first Sociology lecture we had this year, so proud you were, to have gotten your textbooks already. Red backpack is how I always distinguish you.
You seem really sweet, and some days I have the confidence to go up to you and either ask you for the time, while we pass each other in the courtyard, off to the side of Mills Library. Or to tell you "Nice shades" as I ride off on my bike, toward David Baileys Athletic Centre. And other times I just feel like walking past you, with that burst of fresh air in being so close, or by chance to see you somewhere else, out of the blue, to brighten my day. Unfortunately I don't even know your name, which kinda complicates things.
You were sitting behind me in lecture today. We made eye contact, twice, could've been more if I kept on looking back! After class as I walked up the steps I saw that you were making a couple of girls laugh. Are you a stud??? Hahaha, I saw you once more as I was waiting to see if my friend would come out of the lecture hall. She didn't..... but it was worth it, seeing you again.
I am not a creep, or a stalker, I am an observer, and have been aware of your attractive nature!!!
This is one of the coolest videos I have seen in a while, it really
captures the essence of how she is feeling about the relationship
situation she has been placed in. That and its one of those
videos that you just want to keep watching until the end, because
of the interpretative dance style. It's so powerful!!!
I admire Shakira a lot, she's beautiful, she's spanish, she's sincere,
she's down to earth, she can dance, sing, she has this charm about
her that cannot be compared to anyone. She's one in a million,
remarkable extraORDINARY. She's talented and she shares her gifts
with the world.
This video is a good example of uniqueness!!!!
Resisting Persuasion
http://changingminds.org/techniques/resisting/resisting.htm
Resisting persuasion is something that may be somewhat difficult to do, if you are easily convinced. However, preventing it, especially if you do not want to be persuaded, is something that can be done in a compliant and submissive manner. There is no need to be defensive or confrontational in you demeanor when dealing with a person, so willing to persuade you, as the article suggests. Granted some of the other points are accurate.
Persuasion goes hand in hand with being a good listener, you want to be persuaded and want to persuade people you must listen. The art of communication is through listening and being able to express yourself in an eloquent and “colourful manner, you can not do that properly without the party’s involved, listening. (Sévigny) You must then make yourself worth listening to, by choosing your words wisely to create a more intimate inter-personal relationship with you, the speaker and your audience, It’s essential for making things understandable. Using gestures, being conducive to others (being aware of their unique learning and processing of information styles), using examples, telling stories of your own experiences to build connectivity with them, respecting your audience, building credibility and being open minded are all aspects to be considered when trying to convey a message. (Sévigny)
In depth argument (that includes listening attentively), is what governs persuasion. There are two differing viewpoints to a particular topic that one is trying to convince the other person to change their mind on. It’s a way of communicating with numerous people on varying levels, to not only learn but validate your points, so that when it comes to them, determining which side to choose, they make an informed decision, baring all facts (presented) in mind.
The other techniques listed on the link at the start of this blog, are all extreme ways to obliterate persuasion and there are minor, more subtle and low key ways that won’t leave you with a reputation as a cynical dominating person. Some of them are and can be satisfactorily handled with little militancy.
Sévigny, A., Lecture 7 – “What is Listening?”, Wednesday, October 7
Lasch, Christopher. "The Lost Art of Argument." Media Studies Journal. (1991): 216. Print
Adler, Ronald B., George Rodman, and Sévigny Alexandre. Understanding Human Communication. Canadian. Don Mills, ON, Canada: Oxford University Press, 2008. 477, 478. Print.
I AM, I AM NOT, I WILL, I WILL NOT
Professor Sévigny talked about how language is symbolic (Sévigny), and with this video it holds true. Symbols are determined by people, and the collective meanings that have been invincibly agreed upon by members of society. In this video for example, my views and interpretations are obviously going to be different than someone else's because of the value of things I have been brought up with, my background of experiences that has shaped my understandings in addition to cultural meanings
That is without a doubt true. There are so many things now, that are advertised using advanced technology, giving impressions to the viewers that suggest the prevalent importance of emerging new and improved forms of communicating. As far superior than the old, peripheral ones. The elephant is the first animal, the clip says "a lonely elephant, a purposelessness surrounds me" To me this means that the elephant is viewed as an ancient animal, representing the old, uninteresting ways of expressing ideas, through their real forms instead of their created and recently composed ones. The elephant transforming into the horse; "A kind of cordial contempt I have", indicates that its moving forward from the old "mundane" ways of illustrating your thoughts, a "friendly disdain" neither good for leaving the previous ways behind, nor bad for moving ahead to better more comprehensive ways, a comfortable medium, if you will.
The Bear; "I feel nothing of the sort (cordial contempt) There is an uneasiness of power", not sure to continue along the path of development, enhancing the ways to the future, or to stay in history and let that bind you. Making decisions, "the power" can be hard to conceive especially where one might feel comfortable in the past and moving on could be completely new, it might not be the best solution to stay in one's comfort zone. It would be better to broaden your horizons and widen your methods of doing such things, in order to have a variety of ways known, to choose the best one suitable for that particular project. In the case of advertising and marketing, creating exciting and refreshing ways to present ideas, new products, a company, etc. are great ways in capturing the audiences' attraction, interest, and attention and drawing them into, to want to remember your commercial. An enticing piece to convince them to buy your products or the products that are being displayed in front of them. The final animal transformed by the bear is the eagle, and the clip shows it flying away while the man says saying, "I see happiness in the distance, good-bye, good-bye", my translation that the bird symbolizes excellence, and striving toward that, flying to it, the eagle which represents constant development knows that the level of capabilities can always be greater, higher, further. Hence it being an animal of flight. Able to fly to the destination of choice.
With consideration to mediums...... the way you present your ideas can make or break the audiences' captivation, and ability to retain what was just conveyed to them. As discussed in lecture five the four laws of the Medium would correspond as follows with specific emphasis on the advancement of technology in television advertising. Detailed and more intricate ways of creating a depiction of reality, as it appears through the eyes of most able bodied individuals within society, may intensify the concept of the advertisement, in the minds of those particular individuals. Exploring the virtual/actual divide as tronic studios has done, is the way that they've achieved a universal appeal that can be easily understood by adults and children alike. Tronic studios have taken aspects of both worlds; the organic (natural) and the rectilineal (artificial) to hybridized the two styles to fuse the third. A combination of both aspects of life are still predominant, otherwise the third (tronic) would cease to exist. The reversal potential of the new form of actively conveying a message is that some people could criticize it, not understand it, compromise the purpose of using extensive technology to make people understand the message, to want to make them buy into it. Tronic Studios have made commercials impressionable which has inadvertently made an impact on the viewers. (Sévigny)
Here is the much lengthier video of the owners and partners of Tronic Studios opening as speakers at F5, talking about their projects its concepts and explaining them thoroughly.
Tronic at F5 from TronicStudio on Vimeo.
Sévigny, A., Lecture 4 – “The Medium is the Message - Marshall McLuhan”, Friday, September 25, and Lecture 5 - "The Nature of Language", Wednesday October 14
It has been a crazy day, to say the least. I woke up earlier, hoping to go to the gym, was almost not going to go when I finally managed to leave my room, to discover the gorgeousness of the day, and to go do a 20-30 minute yoga exercise workout at the gym. Made me feel a little better. After being outside, knowing that I couldn't stay cooped up indoors all day, I took a little trip, to Limeridge Mall on Upper Wentworth Street, to have a look at what was available at the Bay, I don't have any money right now to be buying any elaborate Christmas gifts, or to be spending my money excessively. I only have a $10 gift card, that I won from that "Mothers Against Drunk Driving Campaign" booth that was set up during frosh week. So I like to browse around, to see what appeals to me, and know that I have a limit. I'm a student I have to be very economical.
I left my bike on the bus...... I didn't realize until I was at Limeridge Mall, a half hour away from downtown, where I made the transfer of busses. Thinking to myself that "I would not have been able to bike all the way up here." Realizing that in that moment, that in the rapidness of my descent from the first 5E bus and getting lost in the crowd, I had forgotten my bike on the front, Yikes!
Its funny because my bike is such a huge part of my life, its my baby, so me, absentmindedly leaving my baby on the bus. Totally not a good thing and my goodness, how "not-with-it" do you have to be??? I was freaking out that I would not ever see it again, an approximately $200 bike and I, thinking and hoping, foolishly that me looking around the Bay would help. It did nothing for me, because I almost ended up fully breaking down in tears within a few minutes of me looking at the jewelry section. I couldn't take another thing going wrong, not in my emotional day.
I was going around, looking for something to commemorate the day, and all its glory, but even that was a lost cause because I couldn't find a piece that was in my price range..... and on top of that the sales clerk gave me a look of suspicion that made me not want to purchase anything. She was very rude, not like the good quality service I'm used to receiving in Toronto. Very disgruntling.
On my way back from the very disappointing 3-4hr trip I had taken for the day, I called the HSR, to see if there was a place to pick up lost items, and it appeared that my luck was turning around, I spoke with the sweetest bus driver who suggested for me to call the garage (where all the busses would later be going to park for the night)at around 6:30 -7:00 pm to find out if there was a bike that was turned in. And if there was I would most likely have to pick it up tomorrow, given that the hours for pickup of lost items, ends at around 5 ish.
Well when I finally got back to the university I waited for another 5E bus, to see if their was a slight chance that 1). the next bus coming would be the exact one that had my bike, and 2). that my bike would still be there. Since I didn't have immediate luck on that end, I then proceeded to pick up food at "Need a Pita" in the Mary Keye's Residence building, got served by a cute guy, he was stingy on the $5.80 pita, but I could tell that he was new so I let it slide, that, and he was super nice to look at. =) Reasoning enough to make me believe things were looking up.
Brought the food back to my residence, to discover a message left on my machine 8) "Yes" I said to myself, as I was expecting one. And alas I got a message from the HSR dispatcher, telling me to call him back. I did, promptly. When I got a hold of him, he told me to go out and wait for the 6:15pm bus at Emerson and Main, the number was 806, and that one would have my bike on it, which meant a huge weight off my shoulders, saving me the trip tomorrow all the way out to their Upper James garage. So I left my residence in a hurry as I had to go all the way to the front of campus, in under 10 minutes, it was 5:55pm at this time. Its not a long walk to get there, but I wanted to ensure that I would be there in time. So I ran, stopping to catch my breath. Sitting on a bench on the opposite side of the street that the bus, that would have my bike would be on, prompted me to do even more running. As I stood to see if the next bus that was coming, had a bike at the front I new I had to race across the street to finally 5 hours later, be re-united with my bike. Phew
As I rode away, I told my bike (yeah I talk to it, when you become attached to something as precious as my bike, I can't help but NOT talk to it), I would never do that again, I would make a mental note in my head each time that I placed my bike at the front of any bus, to remember to get it before I step 10 feet away, or I would park and lock it up prior to getting on the bus, so that my mind would be free from it. Or I could just ask the bus driver to remind me to get my bike before leaving.
I am soooooo relieved and beyond happy that everything with that, is back to normal!!!!
Getting my workout for the day, it was all good!!! It really was all good, because later on I checked my University email and I got one telling me that my access card into the building had been found and handed back in to the Student Service Desk in Commons, I thought I had lost it and now I don't have to put out $50 to buy a new one! =) Yay. With my constant torment on that I have learned my lesson to ALWAYS, always keep it in my wallet, at least till the end of the year.
Alright, alright so here's the deal....... within the past couple of weeks I have learned and realized a lot- and I mean A LOT with being in University, most of which I will disclose at a later date, due to biased parties involved, or that will be included in my further writings.
Today I had to re-write my Hinduism Quiz, because I was not given ample time on ELM, that my professor had properly allocated toward it, which was beyond bizarre. It was funny, I am so used to the high school way of writing quizzes that I did not think to open my books and look at my notes, which my professor said she would not object to......... I learned that with only five minutes remaining, after a second student had come in to write her's as well. Dr. Pearson even handed me her text book, which had the secret notes of a professor written in it!!!
Once completed, I then headed off campus, to booster juice to find out that they do not accept the McMaster meal plan card, fabulous, a healthy place to get nutritious and delicious fruit energizing smoothies and I don't have access to it because I don't even have excess money to spend. And McMaster University which is in such close proximity, does not even have any connection whatsoever to it. Wonderful.
Thinking that this might occur, I went to Boston Pizza to get an extremely satisfying chicken salad for lunch.
Taking my time, faithfully reading my RISK novel, and knowing I had to, at least leave at 12:45 to make it to my volunteer for 1:15, I absentmindedly left later than I anticipated. The thing was, I was so full from that salad, that all I wanted to do was just sit there, and read for an hour, and not go to volunteer, to let my food absorb into my system. I knew I had to leave and I knew I was going to be late, regardless of what time I left, although timing would determine HOW late I would be. And so I carried on my way quickly, racing, to beat the clock, little did I know there were other plans, written in the stars for me....... I had a flat tire on my bike, and couldn't go as fast as I wanted to. (As I was taking the bike trail, going down the hill, onto the bridge and back up I had to descend as it was far to much torture for my bike) I had to go to the washroom and could not hold it, so I had to make a pit-stop at Metro to use there facilities. I also had to check something out at LCBO, and after those short short errands I continued, on foot, leaving my bike locked up at Metro. Wentworth Lodge Senior Community centre was only a five minute walk from University Plaza, so I wasn't going to be too late.
I arrived at 1:30, only to go upstairs to the recreational hall, to find no-one there. Starting to walk away Denise says hello to me, from behind me, she is the volunteer supervisor there, and I thought my luck was changing........ nope, because after my 2. 1/2 hour volunteer session I had a headache that was getting worse by the minute.
I couldn't leave without saying "hi" to my friend Olga, so I chatted with her for a bit, met one of her good friends and former neighbors; Marria and her husband Henry (the ninth). I had to get pick up my bike and get back to school and get some food. I knew I wasn't going to make my next lecture, as a matter of fact I purposefully missed it because I knew I would fall asleep in it. And I could be doing way more productive stuff rather than that, so I stayed and read, before heading back to rez, to check my email, and relax before my last class of the day- Social Work.
I also failed to mention that at Wentworth Lodge I met a young teenager who is now doing the Katimavik program, the same one I did a couple of years back.... Not very much to say, or not very elaborate in saying what she did, she was extremely limited, she was very reserved. I didn't like that, I'm an outgoing person and she was giving me nothing to really work with. What a fool.
As of today (Friday) my new life starts!
This week, started out like a typical week of a University student, waking up late to miss my first tutorial, unintentionally at 10:30AM. Great, just lovely!!!
I've been going to bed "late" or what would have been considered late to me a year ago, but now seems like a pretty normal time. I was reading one of my leisurely books, called RISK, its so good, one of the best things about it is that its such an easy read, you can leave it, and come back to it whenever you want, without having to re-read anything to understand where you are.
I have been reading it since April, and although I would have been done reading it already had I'd been consistent with it..... I am taking full advantage of the fact that its less demanding on the brain, that and, its a great escape from the school reading material, that I (terribly enough) never put in the effort to read!!! Ooops, my mistake, I'll probably be regretting it when I fail to take the proper amount of notes for my exams and I have to frantically cram my understanding of all course material!! But right now, its worth it!!!!
Today I did not have class until 5:30 since I missed my tutorial, and I wanted to go out and read (some of my textbooks) but instead of that I made a new friend while taking photos of the beautiful colours that this season brings, and only managed to read a little bit of Buddhism, before getting hungry and heading off to Bridges to grab a veggie burger, and go back to my residence to try and do my Hinduism quiz.
To make matters a little bit more unjustly (with the way I had started my day)
I fell asleep in my Anthropology lecture, always, always seems to be the trend, nowadays with me. I know that it may be a sign that I need to give myself adequate sleep, and make time to have a nap during the day, and I probably don't take the class as seriously as I should, but its just so chill, and I mean this in the nicest way possibly, but my prof. has such a soothing voice that just puts you to sleep, that and no offense, but learning about the world's cultures not exactly the most interesting of topics, to me anyway, I know that some people obviously find it fascinating, and I give them amends for it!
I am finding that religion is going pretty well though, I'm understanding it more so then what I was at the beginning of the term (& school year) so thats a definitely good thing, I find that I put in effort too, I can't afford to do poorly in anymore, if any of my courses!!! Learning about others' belief system is so cool ! =)
I better get back to composing the thoughts for my buddhism essay due in a couple of weeks, and I'll be setting the alarm to ensure that today's episode of being late for tutorial does not repeat itself, and does not become a daily occurrence!
This week was the most hectic week I've had since I've been here at school. This past weekend I had my mom come and visit me, bring me some groceries and talk. I had a Hinduism paper to write for my Monday Religion class, and we were talking about that a great deal. I had already written the majority of my paper, or my initial thoughts prior to her arrival, and so when we discussed the gods and goddesses of Hindu culture, I had no idea that it would throw me off and make me feel as though all what I had written was null and void and inadequate in some sort of way. Despite the fact that I had stayed up until 4AM in the morning on Friday to get it all down, only to have to stay up till 4AM again on Saturday to re-compose my thoughts and combine them into something that would be worthwhile to read and that sounded like I had some knowledge on Hindu Religion. It was tough stuff, especially since the Thanksgiving weekend prior I hardly did any reading and was reading the bulk of my books during the time of my writing.
Then to make me work even more... I also had an Anthro paper due on Monday, this one was my mid-term assignment, that seemed pretty simplistic but then again I don't know quite what was expected of us, so I am just hoping that I did well. SUNday I thought it was going to be a laid back day, just work on my Anthro... I had planned to work on my Tuesday Sociology Proposal on Monday, so I though I'd be good. I had managed to organize and gauge my time accordingly. Little did I know I had another thing coming...... because when I went back to re-read my Hinduism paper to make sure everything was ok, and well worded, flowing, everything you want in a paper, opening the one I had deemed insufficient in addition to my newest version, I accidentally deleted my Anthropology Critic (which I foolishly did not save) This can't be happening I thought, it just can't be, It has to be here somewhere....... I was swearing all over the place at this point, realizing that it wasn't going to show up out of nowhere. Desperate I ran up stairs to find my room-mate in her boyfriend's room to ask her if there was any possibility to recover anything on Pages (Mac's word processing program)
NO, zilch, nada, nothing, although her boyfriend told me to just open pages and try to start a new document, maybe something would show up enabling me to recover the lost document, you know like Word? But I didn't even save it, so there was no chance of that, which meant all day Monday would have to be dedicated to me working frantically to remember and rewrite everything I had lost. This also meant that I could not spend the time I had allocated for my Sociology, on my Sociology, I had to use it to do my Anthro mid term. Joyous occasion.
Needless to say I finished it in time, about an hour before my lecture. But I can't confidently say it didn't set me back, because it did........ See tuesday I had my Soc. due and I didn't get to it at all, I tried on Monday night, after my Religion course ending at 9pm, but I was unable to stay up past 2AM reading those peer-reviewed journal articles because my eyes just started closing. And I knew from that instant it was time to go to sleep. I actually transfered to my bed, which kinda set me up to fall asleep, but who can blame me? I had stayed up till 4, two "nights" in a row and couldn't do a third. My body needs rest.........I could not function properly without it.
Tuesday night I even tried staying up to find articles to write my proposal for Wednesday, as I had spoken to my TA, and told her I would try to get it done then, but I could not decide for the life of me, what to write about everything I decided to do, didn't have enough articles on it, and so I was stuck, I ended up staying up till 3, talking to my friend who helped me decide on a topic that I then changed my mind from.
Wednesday I had to start and finish studying for my Gerontology exam, which was on Thursday. Totally last minute but not too bad, nothing too extensive. Just reading the summaries of the chapters, and making notes. Thursday was a day that I also had my late Social work class. Had to come back to rez and work on my assignment for that class, due Today at 9AM. I even left my lecture early, nothing I like to broadcast to the entire internet worlds but it is pod-casted, and I knew that I had a lot of work to do, so I worked on it diligently till 5 in the morning, went to sleep at 6, got up at 10, and was working on my Sociology proposal which I finally had time to do. I got it done by around 4PM today, sent it to the instructional assistant, who is responsible for late papers and am DONE, for the week.
Except at the same time not, because I have some other less pressing things to do, which I'll probably end up doing tomorrow and Sunday.
It's Homecoming. I might go, I'm not too sure!!!! A whole lot of drinking, something I've left in my past...... for the time being!!!!! It's a skeleton in my closet that might be coming out sooner than later!!!
Today was one of the worst days since, I've been here at McMaster. I woke up with a headache, and had to forgo my plans to go to the gym yet again this morning. I was really looking forward to it! I haven't been to the gym in a while, due to my fluctuating sleeping schedule, and my work load. Sleep to me takes priority over exercise, how can one fully function properly without a good night sleep? How can you get up and have a substantial work out, if you're tired? Doesn't make sense.
Its a good thing I have my bike to keep me active, because otherwise, I think I might just lose it... Gym work outs are a source of calm, and a way of bringing me back to reality, balancing my stress and my down time. I need it, especially now, given all the assignment and papers I have due next week, and with the on-set of midterm and exam time coming shortly. Its something that needn't not be dismissed.
Ever since I got back from Toronto (for Thanksgiving long weekend), I've been developing symptoms for a cold. I know, I know pretty horrible, I'll say, considering I've been blessed to not have gotten sick since my arrival at school. It is without a doubt the season for colds, the flu the recent over publicized pandemic of H1N1, and GERMS. My immune system has been weakened with the constant exposure to more than 1000 people within a day. In addition to that I have my wisdom teeth coming in, causing a lot of discomfort and possible development for bacteria to prosper. Maybe that is what caused my all-day headache/ migraine today. Either way I am convinced that my immune system needs a boosting.
Other things that went wrong today, weren't in the thousands, but simply the fact that I was paralyzed due to my intensified migraine; my head was throbbing so bad that it was painful for me to walk. I awoke from my nap that I decided to take to get rid of my headache, to find that I was extremely hungry, disoriented I left to go to the kitchen to prepare some food, absentmindedly forgetting my keys in my room, locking myself out for the second time.
My roommate's class didn't finish till 3:30, I didn't find her until 4 and this was around 1:45 that a had realized I placed myself in quite the predicament. So I was waiting a good couple of hours before finding her on her laptop in her friend's room upstairs. Fortunately for me she was planning on coming down, and hadn't left for her last class of the day yet. I didn't go to the commons and get my lock out key, to have to pay a mere $3 because I'm a stubborn person, and I'm short on cash, a lot, a lot, a lot. That and when I locked myself out, I had no sweater on, no shoes or anything like what I would need to go out into the wilderness of the outdoors to face my cold, with the cold. Not a good combination at all and I wasn't willing to risk it.
Upon returning to the warmth of my room, I quickly messaged my friend to apologize for not meeting her 2 1/2 hrs prior, which I was unable to do because of the perils of my body. We had postponed for later on, and went to the library to take out books for our Religion papers dues next week, at around 6:30, we also made dinner plans at East Side Mario's. Needless to say that didn't happen, because it took forever for us to find useful material.
Heading back to residence at 7:30, I feel something wet rubbing against my leg, and what do I open my bag to discover....... that I did not seal my Klean Kanteen lid tightly enough, and that it was trickling water. Oh yeah. How Fabulous that is to top off my day!
I immediately removed my books and carried them the rest of the way to the commons, where, I wouldn't pick up dinner because of such a limited selection for people who eat the way that I do.
I just finished my first volunteering day at Wentworth Lodge Community Service Centre for Seniors, and I gotta say, not at all bad. I didn't think it was going to be bad but I didn't know what to expect either. See I have never ever worked in an Old Folks home in my life, I've only worked a short period of time indirectly with seniors when I was in Saskatchewan on Katimavik, and that was simply working around them, making cards, so I really doubt that even qualifies. This is completely new to me and I really like the atmosphere at Wentworth Lodge. It's so homey and welcoming. The interactions I am having with the seniors. Nothing but positiveness, thus far.
Today, as I can say for the following 5 week period on Thursdays from 1:15 -3:15 pm, I will be in the pamper yourself session between Liliac Lane, and Beach Avenue (who came up with these names???? They are amazing and so creative) Really makes you feel you're living in a part of paradise. The pamper yourself slot of the week is a time when volunteers offer to paint the nails of some of the female seniors. Its a low-key activity that enables for conversation between you and you senior counterpart.
I ended up having a nice conversation with the first lady that had me paint her nails...... She was extremely pleasant and our talk was very comfortable. The second elderly woman whom had her nails done, was another sweetie. She was polite, observant and picky as to what coloured she wanted, but tolerable. I for one understand what its like to be selective. People like they're coffee a certain way, they like to choose what they wear and if it suits them, the same goes for nail polish. Plus I am highly choosy when it comes to the food I eat and in what combinations. I can relate to having things done a particular way.
I grew up not knowing either pairs of my grandparents, so I'm kinda lacking in that department. I don't have any relationship to compare my interactions with these seniors to. Despite the fact that its my first official day at Wentworth, I can't help but feel I have this profound connection with this elderly female that reminds me a lot of my dad's lifelong family friend- Lili. I feel as though I can talk to her about any and every thing, our conversation just comes so naturally. Although I haven't been going there for a long time, I've already started building a solid friendship with her. I can say that she feels like a grandmother to me, maybe thats a little creepy and too fast for me to be thinking of her in that way, but honestly I haven't had that opportunity before and I am privileged to be volunteering at such a place.
I'm looking forward to seeing her next Thursday as well. I already have so many things to collect and put together to bring from home to show and share with her. She is such a sweetheart. I first met her on Monday, which after persistent one-way communication, was my orientation day. They were knitting in one of the recreational rooms upstairs on Beach avenue, I don't know how to knit, but beleive it or not, I know how to crochet quiet well. It wasn't as excessive an interaction as my one today was. She has multiple-sclerosis and that is no, whatsoever an impediment to her up beat personality.
I never thought I'd be so angry, especially having had only 4 wks here, a month of adaptation. Not a long time at all I know, but since the beginning of my arrival here I thought extremely differently..... I didn't make a lot of friends to start and all are my friends I have... well they seem to not be there for me when I need them and I can't take it!!! The closer (in location) ones anyway.
The first guy friend I had, nice guy, younger then me. I thought he was mature but I was mislead. His sarcasm and his brusque are the reasons we no longer talk..... it's a little awkward when we see each other in the hallway of our residence because we used to be at a point where we said "hi" and "how are you?" a genuine sense of caring, but now there is nothing of the sort, and although I claim I am ok and fine with things not being cool between us, I'm not I'm bothered by it in fact. I don't really know why, I am the one who told him I don't care, and I told him that because he doesn't have to be so rude with what he says. I'm a girl and its all in the way you say something. The way he said things was insultive, demeaning , belittling and contradicting. I don't need that crap in my life, I've gown up with it enough and I have no patience or tolerance for it!!!
My other friend who lives on the same floor is a sweetheart but today she pissed me off. She is very insistent sometimes, I, on the other hand am stubborn and refuse to comply on the basis of my standards. Not to say that she doesn't fit into my standards, but some of the things she was offering, I just didn't want. I like her, I really do but I said something and she responded in a way that angered me to the core. She sensed something was off, and left the room immediately, guess thats one of the good things about her, is she knows how to read me.
She was supposed to help me learn, and re-teach me about Hinduism and when I tried to get help I didn't really have any questions compiled for her to answer, but I was hoping she would just go off on her own little mini speech about it, and get me informed about things I've misunderstood in lecture. But because of that comment she made I just wanted her to leave, I'm sensitive and was especially so with the remark she made because it didn't support my feelings or my original thoughts. I dismissed her presence with little thought and consideration. I was the one now, that was being extremely abrupt in my actions toward her.
I thought I was in the wrong to her, so I went to make amends by asking her to help me again, you know I'd thought I'd give it another try. Little did I know or even think about was the fact that she'd be doing her own work, not having all the free time in the world to help me whenever she could. Somehow I registered with only that thought in my mind and I was disappointed yet again, but its not her who disappointed me, it was myself. I walked away with a negative feeling, that didn't make me feel much like doing anything but writing.
The constraint of our conversation that caused so much controversy in my mind was that of a gentleman. Ah, but of course, what else has so much depth? so much meaning? so much priority in the female psyche? Where I had thought he was interested she did not, and stated it quite bluntly, that is why I did not want her company anymore. Just speculation and just her opinion..... I know but it made me think that perhaps he isn't interested and I've been reading the signals wrongly and fooling myself, like I always have a tendency to do, despite my intuitiveness. I questioned my observations, his motives. I became puzzled which lead to a letdown, which lead to anger. Now, I can see that he doesn't like me the way I want him to. He is probably impartial on the matter of my attractiveness!
DID YOU KNOW:
NO, I actually didn't know half the information being dispelled across the screen in front of me.
Its all simply amazing though. How something so simple can be designed in such a manner that adds so much more creativity and profundity to the information and the presentation of the knowledge you obtain after viewing the video. Outstanding really, but not surprising in the least that the digital advertising age is growing rapidly and traditional advertising is in a down hill spiral, diminishing significantly. Its unfortunate though, I must say because the traditional ways of doing things brings a lot more meaning, value and importance to them. Take for instance letter writing, yes it does take a lot more time for your respective correspondent to receive the letter you wrote and to reply back and you risk the chance of the information in which you are sharing to be inaccurate upon arrival, due to the length of time it takes to get there; but, hand writing a piece of scripture has effectiveness to it that no digital media can compare to.
Contrastingly, if you were to write an e-mail, or facebook a message, the factor of time would have collapsed because the communication between you and your correspondent would be instantaneous, in that he/she would receive you message as soon as you send it out , making the content conducive to the time of transmission. That immediacy would have a profound impact on the level of information being conveyed. It may be construed as less sincere depending on the content of the message, but due to the convenience and inexpensiveness (its free!) of it, people due it more often. Anything we can get away with, we will, its human nature. Inevitably it has become a part of our culture, age of the new technologies and we've all become slaves to it.
Having televisions in the washroom is a concept I will never ever conform to, much less understand. Is it a way of doing two seemingly important tasks at once? I don't get it! I don't wont to be ready for the future if this is what it entails! Its scary to think that in all but 25 years what fits in our pockets now, will fit in one tiny blood cell, thats how advanced our society is becoming!!!
Please See Video No. 3 in Video Bar
Last night, I had my social work class, the nature of my lecture was different than any other ones I had previously... always interesting, I'll admit. This one in particular had a sympathetic approach and more of a sense of sadness in comparison to the rest. We had a guest speaker from Hamilton's Roundtable Poverty Reduction; Tom Cooper, as compelling as it is to learn about Social Welfare stories, I felt emotionless, or, I refused to feel emotion. Drowning off into oblivion, my own thoughts completely separated me from the lesson being taught and the mind set I was supposed to have or I felt I was supposed to have was not there.
It was a barrier to my understanding and my ability to listen intently, which I wasn't NOT doing, I was. In fact I was, perhaps feeling so much for the situations because it kinda hit close to home. It made me feel fearful of what my circumstance could be like in a couple years. The very possibility that anything can happen to anyone at any given time was beckoning the power of my thinking. That alone was a huge eye opener that made me feel like maybe Social Work is something that would not bode well for my person. I am, without a doubt, one of the most empathetic people, that have sincere emotional attachments to relationships, I become a nurturing and protective spirit when I get involved and as I would eventually learn to limit and reduce that I am afraid that this in my character will be deteriorated upon commencement of any social work related matters. It's a risk I am not willing to take, and therefore have forgone the idea of my presence in the Social Work field in society.
I will forever have respect for social workers as they, like the always busy Tim Horton's employees, work so hard at their jobs to shift the current inequalities among less fortunate people. I know it may be too early in the year to decipher if this is something I am so easily able to dismiss, or not; however, I am unable to explain my feelings in Lecture last night. I had an epiphany and it made my outlook so much brighter.
Today was a day that will be a distant memory in a month, but I don't even want to remember not waking up this morning, to not go to the gym, I don't want to remember that I awoke to the sound of rain drops pelting the window, I don't want to remember that I was trying to be as productive as possible, and found looking up information, watching youtube videos to help me write my press release, was a little bit disturbing, and frustrating because I haven't even completed that, I don't want to remember how I went to walk my friend to class, and bought some food at the Student Centre, while passing an art exhibit that reminded me significantly of my sister (I didn't even end up going around to view the display of paintings that was up, to make myself happy, that I'd be doing something that she would enjoy), I don't want to remember that, that caused me to almost be late for my Anthro lecture, I don't want to remember how my friend and I had done something nice for our other friend for his birthday and he rejected our gesture of sincerity, I don't want to remember that my friend called me a bumble bee because of the clothes I was wearing, I don't want to remember that I was extremely uncomfortable today because of an irritated stomach, I don't want to remember that I almost started crying because of a message I got from my sister in my facebook inbox, I don't want to remember this day AT ALL, in fact I want it to be erased from my memory RIGHT NOW.
I don't even want to think about doing my Religious Studies Homework, to help me understand the very bases of Hinduism, I don't even want to think about how tonight is going to be another late night for me, that I have to wake up at 7AM in the morning and have a full day ahead of me. Thats life though, right????
And so I write, writing to me is therapy, and getting it all out is expressive and healthy, however boring this is to those of you reading it, I apologize. I always thought it was interesting to read about others short comings. to know that not everyone has such happy, always-go-my-way type of days, to know that people do experience similar "off" or bad days that may be equal to or worse than your own.
My refuge is not only writing, but also, amidst all the chaotic assignments and due dates, readings and note-taking, lectures and tutorials, knowing that I have at least one "break" away from it all, my blog, which is actually a requirement for my Communication Studies course, that I absolutely love!!! The very concept of studying something that is so natural, that is so obvious and yet something we are oblivious to at the same time is fascinating.
Now, I really have to start my Religion.
{Photo: By, Lone Primate}
After the viewing of the second video, you can see that these women from Kandahar have a lot to say about their current state of affairs and are prohibited to do so because they are still living in a highly male dominated society and they live in fear. In fear of losing their lives and the lives of their families. They are taking a risk in even agreeing to participate in an interview. They could be seen as plausible spies and traitors of their country and its people and could be slaughtered ruthlessly.
The third video offers some optimism, however slightly. In comparison to the first two videos Suhaila is confident and does not fear exposure to the media, or at least minimally, with no veil covering her face. It could be because she has more stability in her family, a little bit more freedom than Homaira, and Shahzia, with no prevention to work, from her in-laws (as they seem to have the control over the spouses' work life) She has actually found a sufficient job working with the government in The Ministry of Women's Affairs (third video: Suhaila, 4:51), holding a minor position of power, comparatively to the other ladies who don't even hold any employmental position. Making Suhaila more knowledgeable, useful, valuable and educated within the Kandahar society. Her husband too, has an education and works as a teacher. They have dual incomes coming into the family and appear to have a significantly better life then the women previously interviewed.
If you take away the fear, the patriarchy, the corruption, the insecurity and the lack of safety, you are left with nothing but a society free of inequalities and restrictions. A society of balance and stability, one that everyone can make the adjustment to live in, comfortably. Although there must be rules in place, for societies to create and maintain their order, they don't have to be as strict as what they are now, especially in these circumstances. Unfortunately due to poor management of the law and the poor state that it is in, it is difficult for any realization to be found, to bring that security and freedom so crucial for this society to have. The law that was passed permitting women to only agree and comply with what their husbands demand of them, is one way that the legal system has forced these women to stay within the confinements of their commands, making social change far from possible. It is unacceptable and revolting to have such an expectation passed on these women. Unbelievable and something that is beyond my comprehension.
The presence of the NATO and the ISAF is what is causing so much societal tension. If they were not in Kandahar, many of the problems would be alleviated. The NATO and the ISAF are there to offer protection to Kandahar's citizens and they do the exact opposite. They don't know how to differentiate between the enemy and the civilian, causing severe unnecessary problems, like the fear these women have in walking outside and getting shot for accidentally be mistaken for someone else. Thats no way to live and in having the NATO and the ISAF a part of the Kandahar society makes it extremely difficult to have that sense of security reached, which this community requires to gain progress, and to develop as a more functional place to live for all members.
Something that is prominent in the Kandahar womens' behavior is the cover-up of their face. Most of the clip viewings that I have seen, show that these women are scared to even communicate their points of views to the media (as amazing that it is that they have chosen to be an interviewee), and although them wearing veils is seen as a form of cultural preference and cultural normalcy; protecting themselves within their culture, especially with consideration to their status and positions within society, I can't help but wonder that it can also be seen as a way of improper conversational etiquette, a form of distancing yourself from the interviewer (no disrespect, whatsoever intended) and a way of shutting yourself off to feedback and response, understanding that the nature of an interview is not to offer reaction but merely just to listen and to gain knowledge and understanding from the discloser of information. Therefore it is definitely a good thing that the interviewer understands and respects the difference in culture.
Another noticeable point that recently came to mind on the type of communication presented and expressed in the videos, that I have seen, is, the translator....... Now this is supposed to bridge the gap of the language barrier, and make it able for people from multiple backgrounds, having different languages as their fluency, to communicate with one another. Unfortunately there is a flaw, because the translator may or may not be conveying the types of questions, in the forms that you want, to the interviewee, and they in return may be responding differently from what you originally anticipated and thus giving squewed versions of the answers you are looking for. There is also the possibility that their (the translator's) interpretation of the answers could be different from the way that you would otherwise interpret them., and can then be telling you things indirectly and unintentionally incorrect.
I am not saying that these types of things are happening here with the Kandahar women, I am simply speculating and analyzing, the open variety of possibilities with respect to communication. I know I have not covered all of them, not even a smidgen.
One final point I must mention, is the very introduction Jessica Leader does in the video outlining her topic of interest and report. Her wording is impeccable and mind capturing. A journalist that I could full well see myself looking up to.
Jayson Taylor and Jessica Leeder, An Intimate Journey into the Lives of Kandahar's Women (videography) Behind the Veil , September 2009. Globe and Mail, Kandahar, Afghanistan.
Its only the middle of my second week of classes (including tutorials) and already I am beyond exhausted....... my eyes were aching all day yesterday, God knows why.... even I know why. I ended up pulling an all nighter (the night before) with a friend on my floor. Something I never do because I am, in no other circumstances other then absolutely needing to stay up to work on school related material, a relatively early sleeper, with respect to my first year of University... knowing that my regular sleeping habits will have to be compromised, I am still totally unpleased at that fact.
All nighters as most of you know already, are known for last minute cramming for tests or exams, but this one was unique in its own way, because we ended up talking the entire night, getting to know one another. It was awesome, despite the fact that I hadn't really slept for a full 24 hrs, well into the day ahead. It was reasonable I think, because its early enough into the year that we didn't have too much work to do (recognizing that staying on top of course works is essential for success here) and given that it will not be an every night occurrence, but done only when necessary, is my simple justification for why I did that! =)
It was kinda funny, because we both had 8:30 classes in the morning, in the same building.
Our night wasn't even planned, it just happened! She came to my room, since she was having room-mate problems and wanted to study, and while I was reading and her, making notes, we veered off our school work, and began conversation. I was hoping to go to sleep early, fully aware of my morning tutorial.
Tonight I tried viewing that "Media and Democracy " video on youtube for my Communication Studies (CMST) class, and I was a little bit intrigued, but once I got into viewing the video, I lost my concentration, thinking I could muti-task, and sadly mistaken, because it was information that not only didn't interest me, but information that I wasn't familiar enough with to actually understand, so I'm skipping that one for the time being, and will engage and participate in another "article" at a later date.......... on a somewhat related topic. I must say that I love the simplicity of reading the txt for this course, easily comprehendible.
I've got to get off blogger and continue with my note-taking and reading that is increasingly piling up!!!
